Be strong ...

Dear Lord,

Please help me to be strong to move on each day at a time.
At a time like this, please lead me to the right path.
Please help me not to be tempted.
Please calm me down.
…Let me see the truth.

… thank you Lord.

Guiltiness

I’ve not been doing anything for such a long time for my spiritual growth.
And I know that I’m a very ignorant person when it comes to my religion.
I’m so useless when I don’t have enough to share with my other Christian / Non-Christian friends.
And yet I’m excited enough to invite them to my church.
I just feel really inadequate in this when I don’t know things on certain issues.
I feel like a failure. I feel guilty.
I need to do something for You, Lord.
Dear Lord, please remove all the excuses I have to be away from you. I’m so lazy spiritually, I need your help.

Everybody makes mistakes

Dear dad,

It really would take alot of courage, patience and understanding to deal with you at times. I don't know how but sometimes it is against my conscience and my religion (dad's not a Christian) to do things as you told me to.

I know you take pride that you've so far been able to provide for the family despite the harsh circustances where you come from, but that doesn't mean that you being the breadwinner, and the father of the family, is RIGHT on all things.

Your famous quote 'in this family, I'm the father, therefore what I've said and demand you to do, you must obey, and I'M ALWAYS right.'

There certainly is a generation gap, in which I find it enormously difficult to close the gap, dad. I'd like to imagine that sometimes you'd take away your pride, and you'd recognise that your children and including yourself would make mistakes
disregard what age we are.

No doubt we would benefit from your life experiences, but you cannot prevent us from making mistakes and learning from them. The fact that you'd want to have a say on every single thing in our lives, and saying that we're stupid for not
listening to your advice are very demotivating.

I just hope that you'd realise that people around you have their individual emotions and conscience, and money maybe really important to you, but it may not be true for other people. Sometimes, it's love, patience,understanding which really matter.

STOP!

Slowing down is necessary nowadays.

Notice that everybody including myself tends to lose patience when everything has to be rushed, rushed and rushed.

Dear mom and dad,
I don’t know why I was throwing tantrum like that yesterday.
I just couldn’t control myself when some people can invite mom to a certain seminar but it turned out to be a lie, it’s just some stupid performance by your friend’s friends. I just couldn’t believe that they lied because they’re afraid too few people turn up.
It may be my mood swing, but I confess that I shouldn’t complaining too much so that you’ll feel bad afterwards, and dad too, I shouldn’t make you angry so that I will feel much better.

Oh man, I need to slow down…

I'm allergic to ...

Hmm… I’ve been meaning to blog about this, but I’ve not been comfortable to do so for some reasons.

I’m ALLERGIC to certain type of people. I’m not here to degrade that particular person, X, and it has nothing to do with which church I belong to, but it’s personal.

To X,

Although I should have told you off many months back, but I didn’t because I don’t want to create embarrassment to you and uneasiness to myself. You seemed not to be able to understand when I’ve implied that I’m not interested [let’s just assume that it’s your romantic intention, read on because then X, you’ll understand].

I didn’t like to be tailed and I didn’t like to be stalked. I didn’t like to be harassed by means of your presence, or any other type of communication devices. I didn’t like to be given extra attention to, and be presented with surprise gifts. I wanted my freedom back.

I didn’t know of any other preferential treatment I’d given to you, and I’m sure I treated you like anybody else, platonic that is. I may be a likeable person to you, but that doesn’t mean I like you in a special way. Generally I’m friendly and approachable, but regretfully you took that as something more than a brotherhood / sisterhood.

To my concerned friends,

I don’t expect you to understand what I’ve had been through, which might have been easily solved by honest confrontation. I’ve not been able to do that, and please forgive me if I’ve disappointed you that I haven’t been able to forgive and forget. I’ve been avoiding X as much as I could, I’m sorry if this may sometimes created inconveniences for you, but it is necessary for my sanity while I try to take things easy. I really hope it would not take long for me to get over this, 6 months? 1 year? More than 2 years? I don’t know, I need to be myself again.

Thank you, Lord.

Dear Lord,

These past weeks have been tough physically and emotionally for me for various reasons. I apologize that I’ve been struggling and keeping you in distance all these while. I’ve gotta admit that I’m so immune to You for many moons now.

Today there are some good news for me in which I felt an urge to praise you Lord, for you have not been forgetting me after all, even though I’ve been keeping it to myself most of the time.

Dear Lord,

It seems that I’ve been a very lazy Christian in walking the path with You. I pray that I’ll become better and better each day.

Thank you, in the name of Jesus, amen.

I NEED A BREAK!!!

I’m burnt out. I need a break! Boss!